CIRCLE - Chapter 4

 CIRCLE

Chapter 4

I can’t believe what I have seen. My mind becomes empty. I feel as if time has stopped passing for me. I drop my bag on to the floor and Koharu looks back. When seeing me, she pushes Mittsi away. I run out of the room.
“Sayu-chan!” Koharu runs behind me and calls my name.
I feel too hard to breath. My tears start to drop. It hurts. My body seems to tremble uncontrollably.
Koharu finally catches my hand and pulls me back to her.
“Sayu, it’s not like what you have seen! You’re misunderstanding!”
Hearing the noise, everyone runs to us. Eri does, too.
“How will you explain it? You kiss her, do you?”
“It’s just because…”
“That’s enough! Don’t hurt me anymore!” I cry out.
“Sayu-chan?”
“Kissing me, embracing me, saying you love me… then betraying me and saying you love another? Why do all of you treat me like that?”
“Sayu-chan! I’m not Kamei-san!” She says with a crying voice. I look at her surprisingly.
“I want you to love me as Kusumi Koharu, not a person to replace Kamei-san! Don’t talk to me as if you’re talk to Kamei-san like that!”
Everyone keeps quiet. She dries her eyes and goes back to her room.
What the hell did she say? The person who needs to be angry must be me! The person who needs to cry must be me! I’m betrayed by her, right?



When I come back to my room, I start to cry. Maybe she just plays with me. It really hurts. It hurts much more than yesterday.
“Michishige-san? May I come in?”
It’s Mittsi’s voice.
“I know you don’t want to talk to me now, but I must talk to you…”
I’m hesitated for a while, but finally I open the door. She comes in, sits at the sofa and bows her head in silence. Then she finally breaks the ice.
“Ano… I think you know… I…I love Koharu-chan…”
I know. Everyone in this Hello!Project knows.
“But… she doesn’t love me at all… The only person she loves is you.”
I say nothing at all.
“Today… When I saw you two coming to the dance room together, I thought you had accepted her love for you… So I came to her room to ask about that. She confirmed it. It really hurts, you know? At that time I can’t control myself anymore. I kissed her, and you came… Koharu was also surprised; she didn’t kiss me back at all!”
I know that Mittsi has no reason to tell a lie. But I still can’t feel at ease.
“How long have you loved Kamei-san?” she suddenly asked.
“uhm... about 4 years…”
“Do you know that Koharu has loved you in silence during this period of time?
What she said really makes me surprised. I have never thought about that.”
“You don’t know, right? Because at this time you were in love with Kamei-san, you didn’t notice her feeling for you at all! Do you know that during this period of time, I have told her about my feeling and advised her to forget you for many times, but she just said NO!”
She starts to cry.
“So after 4 years, she is finally loved by you now, what the hell reason for her to betray you and love me?”
She runs out of my room.


*
“Michishige-san, can I sleep with you?”
“No, you’re annoying. I can’t sleep if you’re here.”
“But… I’m scared…”
“What?”
“I’m afraid of sleeping alone in that room…”
“......”
“Ano… If you don’t like, I’ll come back to my room now…”
“It’s Ok, come here and sleep with me.”
“R…really?”
“As long as you keep quiet”
“Thank you, Michishige-san!!”
“It’s only because you’re just 12 years old. When you grow up, you must sleep alone!”
“…I know”
*

*
“Nee Koharu-chan, you’re 14 now. You should sleep alone, in your room!”
“No… “
“What?”
“I want to… sleep with you…”
“Why???”
“.....”
*

I don’t know what to do. I’m so selfish. During that period of time, Koharu always loved me, but I didn’t know anything. She also knows Mittsi’s feeling for her, but she didn’t love Mittsi, she still loved me. Compared with Mittsi, I’m so selfish. Compared with Koharu, I’m even much more selfish. Why I didn’t believe in her smile? Why I didn’t believe in her tears? I’m not worthy of her love. Perhaps she’ll be happier with Mittsi.

I’ll forget her, all about her and Eri. Eri has already had Reina. Koharu will accept Mittsi soon. There’s no any space for me.




Koharu-chan,
Because I’m your mentor, I seem to be the person to stay with you most.
However, although we always stayed with each other,
I still didn’t know anything about you.
I’m really sorry about that.